The Breakup
by AvAMartini
Summary: Collection of one shots during Ben and Leslie's breakup phase. Drabbles.
1. Ben

'We have to break up.'

Those words follow him around like a reaper waiting for his soul. Hiding in every corner of City Hall. Written on every mural on the wall.

He puts up a facade to keep himself sane. So, that he doesn't have to admit that the one thing he looked forward to on a daily basis was now the one thing that was slowly killing him.

He misses her. He fears he'll never stop missing her. He goes to bed wondering how her day was. He stays awake thinking about how her skin felt on his fingertips. He worries that he'll forget how her hair smells. He remembers the way she smiles at him. And her laugh. God, he'd give anything just to hear her laugh again.

Everyday, he goes to work and pretends he's fine. He crunches numbers. He taps on his calculator. And for a brief moment he forgets.

At lunch he eats soup on a bench alone. He avoids the courtyard. He avoids being alone anywhere near the office. Because he might see her. And she might see him. And if she felt the same way he did, he was afraid she might do something crazy. He knows how important this campaign is for her. He would never forgive himself if he caused her to lose it in anyway.

He loves her. But he'll never get the chance to tell her.


	2. Ben and Leslie

Ben looked across the table and straight into Leslie's eyes. Looking into her beautiful bright blue eyes always took his breath away. This was making it harder for Ben to say the words he needed to say.

"We have to break up." He swallowed his emotions deep inside him as he said this. Leslie was not as good at hiding her emotions. He saw her eyes swell with un-shed tears. He wanted to reach across and wipe the tears away. He wanted to take her into his arms and tell her that everything would be OK. But he had to be strong. He had to make sure that the woman he was falling in love with could achieve her dreams even if that meant that he had to distance himself from her.

Leslie's voice shook as she asked her questions, "Why? Why do we have to break up?"

"Well, Leslie, everything you've accomplished, you have earned and you have worked for. I don't want anyone to think that you got where you are today by sleeping with your boss."

"But I really like sleeping with my boss." A small laugh escaped from Ben's lips. Leslie always knew how to make him laugh.

"Yeah. Yeah. Okay, look. I'm gonna make this real easy for you. Um, it's not you, it's me." Ben continued when he heard Leslie's soft chuckle. "I'm not ready for a commitment. I just don't like you anymore. I know it's hard to hear that, but you're boring, and frankly you disgust me. Echh!" Each sentence Ben uttered made Leslie smile, masking the pain that they were both feeling at the moment.

"How did you figure it out?"

"Leslie, there was a dude in the ladies' yacht club."

"Yeah, but I covered that pretty well."

Ben looked solemnly at Leslie. "Also, you've been making campaign speeches in your sleep. Granted, you always do that, but they got really specific and moving."

"Did I have a good opening line?" Leslie asked hoping that this change of subject would make her heart stop feeling so heavy.

"It was simple, but I liked it." Leslie looked into Ben's eyes as he said this, her heart as heavy as she'd ever felt it could be. Her mind was riddled with a million questions. One of which was how she would be able to do all this without Ben by her side. The past few months that she had been dating Ben were the times she'd been most happy. She half questioned if she even really wanted to run for city council.

Ben saw the hesitation clouding her eyes and he knew he had to end this soon. He reached for the opened box and took the button out. He stood up and hovered over Leslie, taking the flap of her blazer into his fingers as he started attaching the pin. He tried to avoid looking into her eyes while he did this.

Leslie stared hard into Ben's face throughout this whole process. She sat as still as she possibly could because she didn't trust herself not to start bawling, knowing that this was it and that they were over.

"I know you will win this, Leslie. You have my full support. As a friend." Ben gave her one last longing look before he turned and walked out of the room.


	3. Leslie

She murmurs in her sleep. Tossing and turning. At one point, she suddenly sits up and starts mumbling unintelligible words, her eyes half closed, and then proceeds to drop back into bed again.

A few hours later her alarm starts blaring the song "Get on your Feet" and she lazily stirs. Her eyes open one at a time adjusting to the darkness. The sun hasn't risen yet. She hits the snooze button. This was her usual waking hour but today she felt tired.

She instinctively stretches her arms to reach the other side of the bed. And when it lands softly in empty space, her heart falls heavy. She remembers why it's void of another human form. One that she had grown accustomed to.

She turns her body to the side, her hands tucked under her head and snuggled into the soft pillow. These were the new pillows that she and Ben had bought together. It was the right amount of soft that they had both agreed on. Leslie looks at the spot where he used to lie next to her.

She would often wake up before him and this gave her ample time to stare at his sleeping face. To watch the rise and fall of his chest. And usually, it doesn't take long before she reaches out to touch his face. She could never seem to keep her hands to herself when she was around him.

When she starts tracing his jawline, that's when he wakes up. He'd open his eyes and stare into hers for a few seconds. He'd give her the softest smile before he whispers the word, "Hey."

But not today.

Today was just a blank space. Just as her heart felt right now. Empty.


	4. Leslie 2

Leslie stood in front of her father's grave. She has both hands tucked inside the pockets of her black pants. Her curly blonde hair swept wildly to one side by the strong breeze.

"Hi, dad," she said out loud, the wind carrying her voice, "I know I haven't visited for a while now. I just want to keep you updated on what's been happening with my life.

"I'm finally running for local government office as a City Council Member. I'm so nervous. But I'm mostly energized by it. I'm working with really good campaign managers and we're coming up with so many ideas, I don't even know where to begin.

"Remember when I was 10 and you helped me record that video for my pretend campaign ad? You were so proud of me then. And I know you would be proud of me today too."

She paused and swept her hair off her face. "Um, so, I also met someone. His name is Ben. But we're not together anymore. Because he's my boss and I'm not allowed to date him. And it could cause a major scandal to my campaign if we don't end our relationship."

Leslie sighed deeply and shifted her feet, "But I gotta admit, dad. Breaking up with him was probably the lowest I've ever felt.

"I miss him... Very much. And I'm trying to be strong. And I haven't broken down crying at work yet. So, there's that...

"I wish you were here. You would know exactly what to say to me.

"You'd probably tell me to keep my chin up. And that things will turn out okay."

She thought her last sentences over. She imagined them in her dad's voice while he gave her ten year-old self a hug. "Actually, this is making me feel better already. Just thinking about you saying those words to me.

"I have to go, dad. I have to make a speech today. I'm announcing that I'm running for City Council. Wish me luck. I love you and I like you." She kissed her fingers and placed her hand on the gray stone marker. Her footsteps were lighter and a tiny smile appeared on her face as she wiped away the last remaining tears from her eyes.


	5. Leslie and Ann

She's running blindly. Tears blur her vision. She knows where she's heading. The path is familiar. She's walked this direction a hundred times.

She reaches the door and knocks rapidly, not caring that her knuckles were starting to hurt. Her other hand wipes the tears from her face haphazardly. She's trying to catch her breath. She's not sure if her lack of oxygen is from her uncontrollable sobbing or from running.

Ann opens the door, her annoyance immediately replaced with concern when she sees Leslie's face. Ann was half ready to start yelling at what she thought were rowdy teenagers bothering her again. But instead, it was her strong-willed friend, broken and inconsolable.

Leslie collapses in her open arms. Ann has a feeling she knows what happened. They had a talk yesterday about Leslie ending it with Ben before their relationship got out and ruin Leslie's chances of getting into City Council. It must have happened today.

Ann guides her friend to the couch. She wraps her arm around her, rubs her back slowly, and murmurs soothing words in her friend's ear. Leslie's cries are muffled with her head buried on Ann's shoulder.

Leslie didn't think it would hurt this bad. Ben's words cut her open. She was able to compose herself in front of him. Keeping the tears at bay. Smiling and laughing on the outside. Dying in the inside. The minute he left the room, she was in shambles. She did not want him to see her like that. So, she ran as fast as she could. At first, she just wanted to run away. Anywhere. But unconsciously, her mind had led her to Ann's house.

This was her safe place. She cried for what seemed like hours.

"Leslie," Ann whispers softly. "I need to pee. I'll be just one minute, ok?" Ann guides Leslie's head to lay on the couch arm rest. She jogs to the bathroom; she'd been holding it in until she finally couldn't.

She came back to the living room; Leslie's sobs had lessened. Unshed tears left in her eyes. She's hugging a throw pillow tightly. Leslie had given that pillow to Ann as a gift. It had their faces printed on it, now looking distorted from the angle Leslie was squeezing.

Ann sits on the floor in front of Leslie. She brushes aside the blonde curls that were matted on Leslie's face.

"It'll be ok, Les," she tries to console her. "You'll be fine."

"Will the pain ever go away?" Leslie's voice cracks and fresh tears start flowing again.

"It won't. But it will lessen," Ann assures her.

"I changed my mind. I need to call him. I need to tell him we can't break up." Leslie sits up, frantically, searching for her phone.

"Leslie, no." Ann says firmly, but her voice filled with empathy. She takes the phone away from her friend's hand. "You need to breathe."

She cups Leslie's face into her palms. "I know it's hard. I know it hurts. I know you feel like the world is ending," Ann says. "But try to remember why this is happening. Remember that it's for the best."

Leslie inhales raggedly. And finds a rhythm that calms her down a bit. "I don't know if I can go through with this." The words undo her again. She buries her face in the pillow and her body shakes uncontrollably through the tears.

Ann gets back on the sofa, Leslie scoots over and lays her head on Ann's lap. She continues crying, while Ann strokes her blonde hair soothingly.

Ann had had her share of breakups before. But she'd never experienced the kind of relationship Leslie and Ben had. Truth be told, she thought they were soulmates. But as Leslie pointed out yesterday, this was the right move. And she made Ann promise that whatever happened, she would not under any circumstances let Leslie get back together with Ben.

The crying had lessened. Ann felt her friend's breathing return to normal with a little exception of hiccups here and there. Ann kissed the top of Leslie's head, whispering into her ear, "I'll make you some pancakes."


	6. Ben 2

**"I used to have one really good reason for staying in Pawnee. But now, I'm not sure what's keeping me here."**

* * *

He wants to get away. It was eating him alive. Wanting something he cannot have.

For a while there he thought he was home. He thought he was complete. That he was whole.

He has all the hurt bottled up. Because there is no one to tell.

There are moments, when he catches her eyes, and he thinks she can read his mind. And maybe she is suffering too. But she looks away. And he feels alone again.

And when light turns to dusk, his mind betrays him. Images of her fill his head. And that is why he stays.


	7. Leslie and April

Leslie spaced out twice today. Once during a status meeting. And the other time during an interview. And yet she was still surprised when April asked her if something was amiss. Because Leslie tried hard to pretend everything was perfectly fine. In truth of course, she was dying in the inside.

She thought she hid it well. And she even had a good excuse to why she lost her focus. But she didn't count on April knowing her too well. And she didn't count on a simple question almost undoing her efforts to act normal.

"Leslie, what's wrong?" April asked, her voice just above a whisper. She was sitting across from Leslie in the small conference room located at the 2nd floor. The meeting was over ten minutes ago, but Leslie had remained in her seat, scratching notes on her binder. And April would have stood up and left the second the meeting was adjourned; except she'd seen something flash in Leslie's face. There was a weird sadness in her eyes, even though her smile was too wide, which often freaked April out because no one should be allowed to smile that wide except killer clowns.

And it wasn't like Leslie to be sad about anything. Especially when her campaign was doing really well. So, April was curious. She wouldn't admit she was concerned. Maybe just a little. Ok, definitely a lot, now that she noticed unshed tears pool under Leslie's eyes. Her boss was quick to swipe it away, as if some invisible dust had suddenly gotten into them.

"Nothing…" Leslie said. She forced a smile. "I'm fine."

"You're acting like Ben."

Leslie's head turned so fast she almost hurt her neck. "What?"

"I said, you're acting like Ben. He's always moping around the house."

Leslie couldn't speak. She had to focus all her efforts not to burst in tears. Her heart seemed like it was being squeezed, draining her blood and making her breakout into a cold sweat.

April continued, observing how pale Leslie had gotten. "He's always saying he's fine, but he stays in his room for long periods of time. And he doesn't lecture us anymore about how to be a proper adult. It's like he stopped caring." The more April said, the paler Leslie got. April didn't think Leslie could get any paler without fainting. And even though April never showed much initiative at work, few people knew just how smart she was. And it was really easy to connect the dots on this one.

"I-" Leslie had to swallow a lump in her throat before continuing, "Maybe he's sick…" She sounded like she had a frog in her mouth.

"You guys used to hang out a lot. Like a lot a lot." Too much really, in April's opinion, Ben wasn't that interesting to hang out with, but Leslie had seemed happy to be around him. Come to think of it though, she hasn't seen Ben and Leslie together for a few days now.

"I've been very busy." Leslie started to gather her things. She needed to get out of the room. It was like the walls were caving in. The space getting smaller and smaller. And April getting closer and closer to the truth.

"Did you guys have a fight?"

"Hmm?" Leslie pretended not to understand the question. There was a sudden sense of turmoil in her gut. Her mind panicking because the dam that held her tears at bay were breaking. And she refused to look at April because Leslie didn't trust what her eyes would betray. "Sorry, April, I have to go."

Leslie shot up out of her chair like it was on fire. She hugged her things to her chest and instinctively caught the papers that fell off the binder. It was a hasty and messy exit. And she almost made it out of the door, except April said something that shattered her.

"He's going out on a date with someone tonight."

The wall that Leslie put up to protect her crumbled. Her whole body shook. And then there were tears. She was glad her back was towards April.

"Is winning the election going to be worth it, Les?"

Leslie continued to walk out as if nothing happened. She kept walking. Past the reception area. Past the wildflower mural that had turned into a blur of yellow through her tears. Past the bench that she and Ben claimed was theirs.

And she turned the corner towards the stairs before she leaned on the wall, sliding down until she was sitting on the floor. And she sobbed without reservation, hugging her knees tightly to her chest.

Ben was moving on. And Leslie couldn't. She couldn't even if she tried. Because he was everything to her. What was the point of winning the election if she couldn't share the victory with him? If she couldn't feel his lips on hers when he congratulated her. She lost count of all the times she thought of something funny about her campaign and thinking about how Ben would probably find it funny too before realizing that she couldn't really talk to him. He had pulled away.

She was losing him. And April's question scared Leslie beyond what she could understand. Was all this worth it? If Leslie was going to lose someone she had given her heart to?


	8. Leslie and Ben

**AN: My anxiety is out the roof.**

The campaign was going smoothly. Everything was falling into place. Polls were on her side. People loved her. Her campaign managers were optimistic.

So, why was Leslie feeling restless? Why was she pacing back and forth in her office? Why did she feel like some plot twist was about to surface and ruin her chances of winning?

She couldn't explain this to her friends. Ann was amazing and supportive. But no amount of her best friend reassuring her could calm Leslie's nerves.

Leslie stepped out of the office and paused mid-step. Ben was at the reception area. He was stapling papers together. And their eyes met. With one look, Leslie knew that Ben understood what was going through her head. One side of his mouth quirked up, a tiny movement no one else would recognize it for what it was. Except Leslie knew it was an emphatic smile given just for her.

And she wants more than anything to run to him and seek comfort. And she knows that one hug would help calm her. But she can't have that. So she twirled on her feet and exited to the courtyard before she had a breakdown in the middle of the office. She needed to breathe.

* * *

Back at her desk, she still couldn't shake her feelings off. The breathing exercises she did outside didn't help. She was about to spiral. The waves of self-doubt were about to crash on her. Her eyes frantically roamed around her office trying to find some sort of distraction, then she noticed a yellow post it sticking out from the binder on top of her desk. Lifting the cover, she recognized what was on the square paper immediately.

It was a kiss monster. Ben's unmistakable stick figure with pursed lips. He'd drawn it and left it for her to find. Staring at the familiar inside joke that was theirs, Leslie could breathe again.


End file.
